They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. Especially when I have been up all night with her or cooked for her or played with her all day..etc. My son is 9 months old and , Ive always taken care of him feed, everything he needs Ive been by his side since we left the hospital, now that I moved to another state he doesnt call me momma anymore he calls it to his grandma he just doesnt seem to need me anymore . Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. No phone, no computer, no cleaning, cooking, working, or thinking about other things. Discuss a plan with mom. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. she doesnt want him to hold her or talk to him. Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. When my husband comes home she runs to greet him. However, since you have only been her mother for 1 week and a half, it is too early to start worrying about the bonding going wrong. it really was beautiful. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. why is he acting like im the worst person in the world? All she needs is her grandparents or father. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. Please help me!! Babies and moms dont automatically bond; just like anyone else they need to spend time together. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. Since I read your post I have been praying for you every day. I thought my son did this because of his cesarean and my dh being the one to help. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). Hang in there! what you said makes perfect sense. it felt so good reading all the posts and knowing that out there, there were so many mums who felt the same as I did. If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. What can I do? I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. lately, i feel so depressed and down, because my boys seem to prefer they nannies over me. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? We should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love our children. My mom watches her while I work, and she seems to be more attached to my mom. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. I also had postpartum for the first 3 or 4 mos and I actually do think that had a role in the bonding problems I had with my baby. I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. That is wonderful for your little daughter! This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. And console her when she is sad. Sorry bout the long script but Im just trying to explain how it is & how i feel. If possible, try to be at home alone with your daughter too. 6. Take naps together, take a bath together, just go down on the floor (if it isnt too uncomfortable) and play together. She is almost 10 months old. You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. The more you as her mom can help her both with attachment as a young toddler, but as a child growing more aware of her history, the emotions and questions it raises, the more you can help your daughter grow up as a happy, confident child. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! January 26, 2013. However, based on that you say your wife is concerned that your daughter doesnt like her anymore, it makes me believe that this situation has not been going on since she was an infant. I feel so down. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. Thank you and keep your heads up!! Try to let her keep it any way you can (but not on the phone for such a little girl). I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. You are obviously there for your son. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. Yes, I believe he should be happy, but I stop him from doing things that will lead to undesired future habits and behaviors. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. My daughter is nearly six months old and she gets really grumpy with me. It seems like just in the last two months that all of sudden, she doesnt want me anymore. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. I looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as we lived alone. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. Im starting to worry about the mother. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. And since you have been at home with him, youre not very exciting. She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. Children are not there to build our self-esteem, they cant and often wont, especially if we expect them to act in a certain way, or to be thankful or loving, because we treat them well. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. If you can work part-time, do so. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. Im a 26 yr old dad. I work very part time 3 days a week for a total of 16 hours. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. especially when im there , but when im not around they seem to get along very well. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! Please help! 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